måndag 14 september 2009
My girlfriends always talk about how in love they are whit their boyfriends and say stoff like, I cant stop smiling when I look at him ore, it feels like im walking on clouds. I really don’t get it. I also have friends that are miserable in love. They always tell me how happy I shod be to skip all of the crap that they haft to stand. But actually im jealous! At least they feel something!
The longest relationship I’ve ever had last six months. I never walked around on clouds ore whit a silly smile like my friends but I cared fore him and felt happy whit the situation. But after six month tings started to be a bit more serious and he started to make demands on me. Like trying to stop me from go out whit my friends and stoff. So the relationship ended quick, whit out any need to thinking twice I brook up whit him, and have never regret it.
Are it as god love gets fore me?
Am I callous? Will I ever be able to truly love someone (except my mother)?
söndag 13 september 2009
...but everybody says I’m really skinny, but they’re wrong. I’m really ugly to, everybody is cuter than me. I just dress myself in big clothes so they wont se how big I am, I’m not wearing makeup, it doesn’t matter anyway because I’m ugly if I wear makeup too. People are staring really much if I wear makeup. I just wished that I could be beautiful like my friends. Beautiful bodies like my friends, beautiful hair, beautiful eyes, I wish I could change my body to the fullest. My friends has everything, and I have nothing. Except my perfect friends.
All of my friends have or had a boyfriend, bur a boy have never ever just looked at me, and if a boy have looked I’m sure it’s beacuse I’m so ugly.
I’m afraid of the food beacuse if I eat something I’ll become fat and then I’ll be even more uglier than my friends. When I look in the mirror my big body doesn’t fit in the mirror. I’m so ashamed of my body and of my self that I don’t wanna go out annymore. My best friend at home is the razor, but the razor leave scares in the skin, and people think I’m mad.
Sometimes I think I’m not right for this world.
I have a problem. It`s my mother, she is driving me totally crazy! When I say that you probably think I am like all teenagers and just are normally irritated on my parents. But this is different I really cant stand her. Actually I hate her, and she hates me to. She tells me all the time how stupid and meaningless I am. She often even tells me that she hates me. We also fight every day, about almost everything.
She expects me to do everything at home. Like cook dinner, clean all clothes even clean the whole house. She treats me like I`m her slave, not her daughter.
And the worst is that I have to do all this things. Because she threats to throw me out of the house if don`t do it. If she did that I would have no place to go. I only have my mother. I donÕt have anywhere else I can live. And I am just 15 years old so it is not possible for me to get an own apartment.
Are there anyone else who had similar problems? Because I really need some advice. I donÕt know how much longer I can stand this. She really brakes me apart. I hate that she force me to do everything she wants me to. But worst of all is to know that my own mother hates me.
So please, help me?