måndag 14 september 2009

Never been in love!

I think its something wrong whit me, I never fall in love! Im 17 years old and I have had several boyfriends. At the beginning I think im in love but then when I know that I have them trapt I always lose my interest.

My girlfriends always talk about how in love they are whit their boyfriends and say stoff like, I cant stop smiling when I look at him ore, it feels like im walking on clouds. I really don’t get it. I also have friends that are miserable in love. They always tell me how happy I shod be to skip all of the crap that they haft to stand. But actually im jealous! At least they feel something!

The longest relationship I’ve ever had last six months. I never walked around on clouds ore whit a silly smile like my friends but I cared fore him and felt happy whit the situation. But after six month tings started to be a bit more serious and he started to make demands on me. Like trying to stop me from go out whit my friends and stoff. So the relationship ended quick, whit out any need to thinking twice I brook up whit him, and have never regret it.

Are it as god love gets fore me?
Am I callous? Will I ever be able to truly love someone (except my mother)?

söndag 13 september 2009

I’m fat...

...but everybody says I’m really skinny, but they’re wrong. I’m really ugly to, everybody is cuter than me. I just dress myself in big clothes so they wont se how big I am, I’m not wearing makeup, it doesn’t matter anyway because I’m ugly if I wear makeup too. People are staring really much if I wear makeup. I just wished that I could be beautiful like my friends. Beautiful bodies like my friends, beautiful hair, beautiful eyes, I wish I could change my body to the fullest. My friends has everything, and I have nothing. Except my perfect friends.

All of my friends have or had a boyfriend, bur a boy have never ever just looked at me, and if a boy have looked I’m sure it’s beacuse I’m so ugly.

I’m afraid of the food beacuse if I eat something I’ll become fat and then I’ll be even more uglier than my friends. When I look in the mirror my big body doesn’t fit in the mirror. I’m so ashamed of my body and of my self that I don’t wanna go out annymore. My best friend at home is the razor, but the razor leave scares in the skin, and people think I’m mad.

Sometimes I think I’m not right for this world.

Hi everyone!

I have a problem. It`s my mother, she is driving me totally crazy! When I say that you probably think I am like all teenagers and just are normally irritated on my parents. But this is different I really cant stand her. Actually I hate her, and she hates me to. She tells me all the time how stupid and meaningless I am. She often even tells me that she hates me. We also fight every day, about almost everything.

She expects me to do everything at home. Like cook dinner, clean all clothes even clean the whole house. She treats me like I`m her slave, not her daughter.

And the worst is that I have to do all this things. Because she threats to throw me out of the house if don`t do it. If she did that I would have no place to go. I only have my mother. I donÕt have anywhere else I can live. And I am just 15 years old so it is not possible for me to get an own apartment.

Are there anyone else who had similar problems? Because I really need some advice. I donÕt know how much longer I can stand this. She really brakes me apart. I hate that she force me to do everything she wants me to. But worst of all is to know that my own mother hates me.

So please, help me?

fredag 11 september 2009


I have a problem. A year ago my boyfriend raped me. It is difficult for me to admit to myself. In fact, it took one year. I woke up in the middle of the night by my boyfriend tried to have sex with me. I was tired and wanted to sleep. I said so, without reaction. I love him, so I didn’t want ta make a scen and shouting something, but I said 'no, I do not want any more tonight. It did not help, so I pushed him from me. When he was just even more excited. I was not strong enough to remove him. Afterwards, I started crying and felt humiliated because he is not listening. But I would not recognize me or him that he had just raped me so I took everything in me by saying "I told him I did not want to but you did not hear." He did not protest against my obvious lie, but we continued to be jointly et semester. If I had recognized that happened was I had of course had to end, because I can not have a guy who rapes. Now it has been one year and I have stopped protecting him. Now I can finally realize what it actually was happening. Is there anything I can do about it so far for? There's no evidence and it would never go so far as to court even. Is there anything that excuses his behavior. And how can I do to be able to leave this behind?

He will ruin our friendship...

Last winter one of my best friends started to date one of my closer guy friends. I where very happy that they’ve found each other and that the three of us could hang out. After a six months long relationship they broke up, and I where stuck in the middle when they fought. I understood both sides and didn’t want to stop being friends with neither one of them. But now my girl friend has found another guy that she is in a relationship with and obviously moved on. Her ex-boyfriend, also my close guy friend, where very sad and talked a lot about his feelings with me. We became even closer friends during the summer. But now he has started to hit on me! Calling me, sending me ‘cute’ textmessages. I really just want us to only be friends, and stay that way, but he shows very clear that he wants us to be a whole lot more.

I don’t want to be mean against him and ruin our friendship but I can’t go on like this.

Please help me, is there anything I can do to make it all back to normal again?

I have this probem with my dad

I have this problem with my dad. To fully understand you need to hear it from the beginning. I love my dad unconditionally, always did, but I'm having a hard time getting through to him. A couple of years ago he had a stroke. He litterally couldn't speak, hardly at all, for like three weeks. My dad has never been much of a talkative person, but now it was like I met him for the first time and had to get to know him all over again. His mind was perfectly fine and he knew exactly what to say, but when he tried to talk the words just wouldn't come out right. He would sound annoyed and angry even though he wasn't. He knew this, but because of it he couldn't explain what he really meant without sounding wrong. All this crashed down my mum and us. Now it has been 4-5 years since the stroke. It's way better now, but sometimes it still feels like he's a complete stranger to me. My mum and dad don't fight a lot and I know they love eachother but it also feels like some things get left unsaid. A while ago I probably had the most honest and open conversation with him. It was after dinner, we argued and the whole thing ended with dad leaving the table 'cause he couldn't say the things he wanted to say. It's not like he's handicapped or anything, but I hope you know what I mean. It's hard to explain if you're not there. Anyway, when I was just about to go to bed dad came down and said he wanted to talk. He was talking very slow and quiet, I could tell he wanted this to come out right without sounding wrong. He told me that me, my sisters and mum were the best thing that ever happened to him, that he was so scared of losing us. At the day of his stroke he was so damn scared. He also said that he never meant to hurt us, it was just his way of dealing with it without thinking first. He started crying and told me he would do whatever he could to make us a happy family again.
What can I do? I have no idea what to say to him. It's better now than before, but I know he still struggles.
Help me, please!

I am only me!


Sorry to bother you but I got two problems and I would appreciate your help.

1. Some of my friends have a tendency to judge people they don’t know because of their looks, the people they hang out with, the sports they like to watch, the activities they like to perform, their way to walk or talk.

I love my friends but I don’t like what they are doing, I think that every person has the same value no matter what! I want to give each individual a chance to show me who they really are, and after an everyday conversation I might have gotten the information and felt the vibes that I need, to say if I like or dislike the person. For some reason I can’t live up to this. I can’t ignore and look away from what other people say and I can’t help getting affected by them and create my own preconceptions.

What should I do to avoid the peer pressure?

2. Many people judge me and put me in to a certain category, and the funny thing is that I’m probably stuck into as many different categories as the number of people who has judged me. Isn’t that a pretty good example on how well these people know me? I am tired of being called a drama queen, a nerd, a whore, a bitch, a no-namer and all the other things I apparently am. Why can´t I erase all these headlines and become just me? Isn’t that enough?

I know that these two problems have an obvious connection; without the first issue the second one wouldn’t exist. But is it possible to stop this judging and give everyone a chance, or would that make the current social breakdown fall apart?

I really want to find a solution, but before we solve this big global problem, how do I rewind and restart? How do I make the picture right? How do I make it a portrait of me?